I heard of monday blues , black tuesdays and so on but i nv hear black fridays before.... but i gotta experience it yesterday.....
Woke up in the morning.... just cant seem to have a smooth un-disturbed sleep nowadays... always woke up in the middle of my sleep , either on my own or because of external factors like phone call or mummy wake me up...
Woke up the day feeling down... no idea why also... planned to go shooting in the noon... but i turned on my pc... and played a super-duper old game called "Colonization"! Damn nice! I downloaded it off the net for FREE! haha. Can't keep my hands off it for this period i think! haha
Anyway as you can see, I dropped the idea of going for a photo-shoot.
Later in the evening , went makan with friends at Fisherman Village in Pasir Ris.
Nice ambience I would say, but i just feel that maybe its a place more suitable for couples instead of big group gatherings ba.
I was sitting there with a "blank" look on my face.... feeling the blowing sea breeze and listening to "When you say nothing at all - Ronan Keating"
A lot of thoughts came to mind... ZR loves that song... nah, not that I still love/like her, just that it reminds me of her, of the memories and such... then i was thinking again... The 2 major things that happen last 5 years... are they going to affect me for the rest of my life ? I kinda feel it will...
The gambling shit that i used to have, caused me to lose many so-called-friends... caused me to lose faith in trusting pple... to lose my self-confidence.. to lose my self-esteem.. to lose the hope and ambition i had so much in myself...
Looking back I am 23.... what had i achieve so far ??? nothing.... am i close to achieving something ??? no... still nothing..... still in a dire state... sometimes i look down on myself even.....
There's a song by Daniel Chen Xiao Dong, "Wen Xia Qu Ai Shang Ni"... inside the song, there's a verse loosely translated...
"The worst is to lose the effort to love..."
I feel i am in that scenario now... i dun seem to put effort in a thing call love... i dun seem to have patience even...
And I always seems to do the wrong things and make the wrong choices...
Maybe i just dun understand the rule of the game... and always breaks the rule! haha... well.... well... put it simply... i am not suitable to be in r/ship... so i guessed i gotta exercise the ways of the Monk...
watever... watever... like to say watever nowadays... and that word simply PISSED pple off... haha....
Am i being ultra sensitive? I just feel a lot of thing going on... friends taking sides.. (as usual... humans...)
I seriously think i got a problem with r/ship... gf or guy friends... now maybe even best friend... but i can say one thing... if the ties really break... just fuck it... everyone needs some friends.... i dun mean i dun need... but if i sux at it.. then so be it.. i am resigning to fate i tell you...
I am waiting for my bike to come! hehe .... and like i told one friend... if i got into a accident and die... too bad... maybe it is a good release... but rest assured, i wont purposely go die... life is too precious ... you only get to live once.... and definitely not when i have a pillion... my life aint that precious but i will NEVER EVER play with someone else life...
I can rant on and on.. but i wont.... (dun even think anyone will bother to read...)
back to friday.. hmmm after dinner the guys were deciding where to go... they took a hell lot of time to deicde..... and that made my worse i can tell u... i simply HATE indecisiveness... let's say, i am ok with it... but wat happen was worse! Out of 8, in the end only 3+1 made it... so much for the discussion earlier on loh... and the +1 only came much later.... kaoz...
Then went pak billiard...
I seriously agreed , when you are in a bad mood, dun play billiard... chance to win ? zero i feel... I played 4 , lost all 4... and got one game, an idiot pushed me... although accidental... he should still see before he walk around... its not his first time playing billiard le... almost bash him i can tell you...
then ktv... then home le... thats it...
today ? nothing much... slept at 5am woke up at 9am... then play colonization again... haha... today die at home la... zzzzz
