April 2005 Archives

My Last update was on the 25th ?
hmmm so wat happen these few days ?

26th -> Work from 8-3 -> power run -> home -> sleep..
27th -> Work from 8-3 -> swim 15 laps -> home -> out to play LAN -> home
28th -> home.. home .. home..
29th -> work from 3-10 -> home -> out to play billiard -> eat -> home

For 2 blocks in a row, i have only 1 day off.. instead of my usual 2 days... so not use to it... and to think that the coming long weekend (sun-labour day, mon-public hols), i gotta work on both days... quite sucky ya ?

These 2 weekends think wont go out till late at night ba... as both weekends, the night after, i will be working morning shift... work more impt...

I used to be so "bo chup" and "hack care"... think in terms of working attitude i really did have a 360 degrees change... I am Mr "ON"! *hehe*

Getting healthier too! Run run swim run run swim! Am aiming to swim at least 15 laps once a week and run 2-3 times per week! hope to get back my "Gold" stardard! After my partially torn ligament and my weight-gaining proggie... I had lost a lot of endurance and stamina... and because of these 2... my mentality kinda get a hit too... so now is time to jia you~~

Been proud of my regular blogging recently! see!! i not so lazy le hor! haha

ZR once said to me :-

"Hock it is true that you have been constantly searching for a gal to fill your
life, it has always been true since sec sch...."

Thinking back... wat she said was so true... is it that this is a trait of pisces? or is it just me ? It ain't that I never agree with what she said during the time she said it.. just that it made me reflect again on myself...

Yes its true that i HAD always been searching for that someone to be in my life... to share every intimate, special and precious moment together.. to dote on, to be romantic on... to be supported when i need her... and more...

yeap... your eyes aint playing a mistake on you... the HAD is in CAPS! =)

That special someone is too far away, always elusive...

Right now I just wanna do other things... other HAPPIER and more WORTHWHILE stuffs. Like upgrading myself ? Earn more $$$! *haha* I am $$$-faced! =P

And I am one who easily "think" i like someone... haha. that's my weakness! and so now I know it, i should learn how to control myslef ya ? =) but i guess i been doing well so far! it had been better. and it will continue to be.

Things that happened naturally, without you discovering it.. is the nicest, most truthful thing to happen... and i had always dreamt of such r/ship.. i am a fairy-tale lover!

After ZR, i was really serious in maybe, 1 gal ? 1 who i really took a lot of effort in... well i did something wrong and she chose her ex over me. *lol* life ya ?

sometimes i regretted at the things that i had done, at the chances i gave up... at decisions that screwed up my life... but regrets are always too late...

I also think i have inferior complex now... lol...
I know you can never compare anyone with anyone... it just aint right... but i just cant help finding ways to demean myself and make myself look smaller smaller smaller ... lol
Yep... that is a very low self-esteem side of me... and no girls like guys without confidence and with low self-esteem but right now thats me... but soon i shld be out of it... i hope.

okie dokie... time for me to slp. i am not sad... just a lot of feeling...

like i once said to a friend... "How can Grade C ever be together with Grade A?"
Like the chinese saying, when loosely translated to ang mo "Wooden door with wooden door, bamboo door with bamboo door..."

Had a very long entry in mind ! but am just too tired (and lazy) mentally to blog about it. It's about my sister's wedding on sun. ;) will blog it tomorrow instead ba.

gonna slp soon as working morning tmr... another long day ahead.

today is basically work -> run -> home -> sleep -> dinner -> sleep.
simple ya ?

I heard of monday blues , black tuesdays and so on but i nv hear black fridays before.... but i gotta experience it yesterday.....

Woke up in the morning.... just cant seem to have a smooth un-disturbed sleep nowadays... always woke up in the middle of my sleep , either on my own or because of external factors like phone call or mummy wake me up...

Woke up the day feeling down... no idea why also... planned to go shooting in the noon... but i turned on my pc... and played a super-duper old game called "Colonization"! Damn nice! I downloaded it off the net for FREE! haha. Can't keep my hands off it for this period i think! haha
Anyway as you can see, I dropped the idea of going for a photo-shoot.

Later in the evening , went makan with friends at Fisherman Village in Pasir Ris.
Nice ambience I would say, but i just feel that maybe its a place more suitable for couples instead of big group gatherings ba.
I was sitting there with a "blank" look on my face.... feeling the blowing sea breeze and listening to "When you say nothing at all - Ronan Keating"
A lot of thoughts came to mind... ZR loves that song... nah, not that I still love/like her, just that it reminds me of her, of the memories and such... then i was thinking again... The 2 major things that happen last 5 years... are they going to affect me for the rest of my life ? I kinda feel it will...

The gambling shit that i used to have, caused me to lose many so-called-friends... caused me to lose faith in trusting pple... to lose my self-confidence.. to lose my self-esteem.. to lose the hope and ambition i had so much in myself...

Looking back I am 23.... what had i achieve so far ??? nothing.... am i close to achieving something ??? no... still nothing..... still in a dire state... sometimes i look down on myself even.....

There's a song by Daniel Chen Xiao Dong, "Wen Xia Qu Ai Shang Ni"... inside the song, there's a verse loosely translated...
"The worst is to lose the effort to love..."

I feel i am in that scenario now... i dun seem to put effort in a thing call love... i dun seem to have patience even...
And I always seems to do the wrong things and make the wrong choices...
Maybe i just dun understand the rule of the game... and always breaks the rule! haha... well.... well... put it simply... i am not suitable to be in r/ship... so i guessed i gotta exercise the ways of the Monk...

watever... watever... like to say watever nowadays... and that word simply PISSED pple off... haha....

Am i being ultra sensitive? I just feel a lot of thing going on... friends taking sides.. (as usual... humans...)
I seriously think i got a problem with r/ship... gf or guy friends... now maybe even best friend... but i can say one thing... if the ties really break... just fuck it... everyone needs some friends.... i dun mean i dun need... but if i sux at it.. then so be it.. i am resigning to fate i tell you...

I am waiting for my bike to come! hehe .... and like i told one friend... if i got into a accident and die... too bad... maybe it is a good release... but rest assured, i wont purposely go die... life is too precious ... you only get to live once.... and definitely not when i have a pillion... my life aint that precious but i will NEVER EVER play with someone else life...

I can rant on and on.. but i wont.... (dun even think anyone will bother to read...)

back to friday.. hmmm after dinner the guys were deciding where to go... they took a hell lot of time to deicde..... and that made my worse i can tell u... i simply HATE indecisiveness... let's say, i am ok with it... but wat happen was worse! Out of 8, in the end only 3+1 made it... so much for the discussion earlier on loh... and the +1 only came much later.... kaoz...

Then went pak billiard...

I seriously agreed , when you are in a bad mood, dun play billiard... chance to win ? zero i feel... I played 4 , lost all 4... and got one game, an idiot pushed me... although accidental... he should still see before he walk around... its not his first time playing billiard le... almost bash him i can tell you...

then ktv... then home le... thats it...

today ? nothing much... slept at 5am woke up at 9am... then play colonization again... haha... today die at home la... zzzzz

Came back from work today! I was SO SO SO RELIEVED!!!! why? because today was supposed to be an off day.... but there's a shortage of manpower back in the office so i need to help supplement the shift.... most of the guys were like me today.... lethargy..... lazy..... not in the mood to work... haha
but watever , i am now back home!!! yippie!!!

Disgusted by guys like these...
There's this guy who came up to me (yup... i knew him...) and chatted with me.
He was having r/ship probs...
Usually you will be sympathetic to such people, you know ? the "so-poor-thing" treatment...

But i chose not to...

Why????? *Sam! Why you so bad??? lol*

I am very much a "on-the-ball" person.
I believed to work to the very best on the task given to me as it is my responsibility.... but not to show slack in my work just because i am in "depression" mode. I can understand periods like this... once in a while is ok, but most of the time ?????

Hey! you are paid to do a job... the organization does not pay and be sympathetic to you BGR probs.... which org does that ? *ok you might think i am being bad again... wait till you see wat i gotta say next...*

After he told me about these probs, he go on to tell me his sexual conquests... of 3 galfriend, mind you, not girlfriend hor.
Well in this age, it is even common for pple who are not related to each other in anyway to give in to their sexual cravings... I can understand that... i dun despise that....
but i hate it when you boast about how many partner u have, tell the world about this girl , and said wanna bring out and show your friends, etc....
Maybe you are really that good in bed, or that charming but you dun need to tell the world ya ? I guessed no one is interested...
And maybe that girl is really so easy like that way you sound , that everyone can UP her... but just keep mum ya? you know can le... Again, I am not interested to know.....

And yes i hate guys who boast to other guys about their sexual conquests...
its ok if they are hookers or alike.... but not ok if they feel they value the gal...
He said he had feeling for her.... then why the hell is he doing this ????

I will never tell others these private details about my gal and I... who are them to know about these private moments ????

fuck....

Can't love again ?
I mentioned it before... every since ZR... i found out i cant love again... till now even...

I realised that I dun have the same old patience... the same old romantic self... easily beaten and shoo-off by rejections...

Sometimes I really wish to go for wat i wanted... but self-esteem plays a part here... always feeling that i am not good enough to go for it...

Think this part is here to stay... I should just go on and concentrate on other things and hopefully never think about BGR stuffs... *know this is hard, but still should try ba... best thing for me at the moment*

if it happens it happens, thinking about it aint going to help...

I enjoy looking at Couples-in-love... full of envy for them...
So loving!!!!
How I wish i am in love right now.... well just a passing remark la.

Maybe you will think, is Sam a love-lorn ? Well, maybe ? I am a pisces ya ? and pisces are just like that. haha.

well well!
gonna "jian dian" a bit more.
concentrate on other things ba, it just aint the thing for me....

Went Sentosa on Friday! Actually wanted to recce the place for my preparation of the company's happy hour.... but 2/5 members cant make it... and i cant do it on my own... so gave it up in the end.
just went there to check out on the restaurants, etc.

In the end it was just a simple carefree day of sun-tanning....

But the stupid sky aint too kind to me lo.... rain on and off.... but luckily still got babe-watch to keep me accompany. =X

After the sentosa thingy, i went to meet Rebecca for "Mr Pacifier"! Nice comedy! Funny! Never expect Vin Diesel to be able to act such kinda role.
Then went makan at the nearby kopitiam followed by billiard with Ming they all at AMK.

Won a bit of $$$, enough to ensure i got to play some few games, and a free midnight cab ride back home after supper at 500+.

That's all loh.

Slept on most of Saturday...

Work on Sunday.... went home , knock out on my bed....

Today went class then work all the way till ten.... going sleep soon le.... its been tiring these few days... no idea why also...

I PASSED MY CLASS 2B TEST!!!! HAHAHAHA!!! FINALLY!!!

Actually quite lucky to pass la.
got a few reasons loh
1) my last riding experience was in 2003... and yesterday's test was the first time i ride a bike since 2003 =X
2) an additional station was included in the circult route... if no briefing done by the instructors b4 that... i would had already flunk liao... damn shock when i heard got an additional station...
3) i got 18 points exactly ! haha

Now gotta source for a bike. aiming at a WR2 first... if cant get a suitable one, i might get a KRR or Phantom ba..

After test went home sleep le. haha. Woke up at 6 just to get mentally prepare for the test.. and i was damn tired as i got home at 11 plus the night b4 (work ended late). so i got only a few hours of sleep... but all is worth it!

Saw my primary school friend at SSDC too! damn qiao loh.
i was at the photo booth , taking my photo.
then he enquired about payment for the photo cos he wanted to take too, then he pop out a qn " u look very familiar, i think i know you!" that was it! i realised he is AZMEER! hahaha

Other than that nothing much le la. all was routine.

Maybe last sat ba.
Learnt how much refilling refrigerant cost! as my friend's car ran out of it!
other than that nothing le.
that's all.

ciao ciao
Sam

Finally I am back to update!

Been sick for the past 3 days ? Feverish... headaches.... dunno wats wrong... just woke up from my nap not too long ago but gotta get back to sleep in a while... and pop down 2 more panadol.... *seh*

See wat i can remember to update ba.

Soccer Competition in camp

Game 1 - Lost 3-1 (Nv play)
Game 2 - Won 2-0 (played)
Game 3 - Won 1-0 (played)
3rd/4th Placing - Won 5-2 (Nv play)

We were suppose to play for the 1st/2nd placing game... but the table leader walk over their match as they dun wanna play us in the final....
(we lost to the leader 3-1! but that was becos 5-6 first team players was not around)

they say "wat goes around comes around"

haha. and they lost in pk shootout to the team we won 1-0! muahahahaha
so song!

But i notice something! whenever i played, the team kept a clean sheet! muahaah. i am good ya ? :P *bhb*

About games and billiard

Been playing Diablo 2 online lately! The game is really fascinating although its like... so old ? haha.
but i can tell u, its a game that can help u to save $$$! My friend spent $100 and played it for like 7 years? omg! Hope it can help me save $$$ too! =X
cheap entertainment ya ?

Also into playing Warcraft 2 lately! Not the usual build-and-attack kind but heroes map la. playing with friends at LAN shop! my usual entertainment nowadays.

Billiard wise? Finally gotta win my opponent whom I been losing for the passed month plus! He's my "teacher" also! haha. i improving but still not that good! must train train train! :D

Photographing
Well, spent a day with my sister in prep for her incoming wedding.
seen wat the photographer took.... kinda disappointing... composition was good but from a pro, i expect to see sharpness in the pic... well they wasnt... most of them..... not some of them.... and some comments he made are quite jialat... as in... since when a digicam cant take clear pics when compared to a analog one ? and since u r a pro, u noe the shutter speed is wat makes the pic blur... then u shld rectify it on the spot..... u r the photographer.... and u r giving this kinda excuses?

Gotta go shooting and get a bounce flash! then shoot for my sis! at least i am quite sure i can do a better job than that guy... I just need the suitable equipment! :P

I can do it! hahaha

Now planning to go mountain trekking too! cant wait to reach the summit and take pics of the sun rising from there! *yum yum*

ok thats all! long entry! so far these are wat i can remember! ciaoz! Headache is taking over me!