October 2004 Archives

爱我的人和我爱的人
词∶许常德曲∶游鸿明
裘海正
盼不到我爱的人
我知道我愿意再等
疼不了爱我的人
片刻柔情它骗不了人
我不是无情的人
却将你伤的最深
我不忍我不能
别再认真
忘了我的人
离不开我爱的人
我知道爱需要缘分
放不下爱我的人
因为了解他多么认真
为什么最真的心
碰不到最好的人
我不问我不能
拥在怀中
直到他变冷
爱我的人为我痴心不悔
我却为我爱的人甘心一生伤悲
在乎的人始终不对
谁对谁不必虚伪
爱我的人为我付出一切
我却为我爱的人流泪狂乱心碎
爱与被爱同样受罪
为什么不懂拒绝痴情的包围

Just came back from a 20 min run! fucking stitches....
nvm .... came back... refreshed... less pissed off.... but still pissed none the less.....

anyway i think i know wat i am confused about! at least part of it!

How do you differentiate between the following?

-words from the heart?
-words that aren't true?
-words said just to kept you from being hurt? or embarrasement?

how ? ........

Ok guys and gals.
Please refrain from reading from this sentence on, I just wanna rant for a while!

I was out today with this girl I fancy.
It started well.
We met then proceed to Bugis to makan Mossy Burger......
After which we proceed to SI MA LU to buy something for her friend who's going overseas.
Then go pai pai at the temple there.
Been a long time since I last pai pai le..... somemore with her!!!! hehe.
all the more memorable.

But the day ended quite shitty....
Well her friend tag [almost forgot how to spell the fucking word]along ....... say hi to her.... not much of a response.... as usual.... nvm.... she ask me some iq qn..... those qian bian wen da ti.... i dunno.... say i low iq..... stupid..... ok i ren....... later ask her where the fuck the atm is in a nice way? she said so fucking big i cant see meh? hey i really cant see loh.... somemore 1 of my contact lense drop out.... then she say she 600+ degrees no wear specs also can see...... wtf?????? first time met her till now always like that.... cant she have a fucking bit of respect for me? no matter wat in the very least i am her elder right?

and wat right does she have to question my intelligence? if u reach where i am or surpass me, say me ...... i LL ... if not shut your bloody gap..... say for fun once or twice i ok...... dun take a yard when an inch is all u have.....

and when i say i didnt see i really nv..... dun judge me using ur own capability at that time.... i hate to be accused of things......

well.... well.... well....
fuck it......
if not for HER, i wont even care about her...... wat the hell?

anyway i am confused about us too.. so ...... remain there..... things will nv be settled when you dun wanna talk about it..... just let nature takes its course...... but will nature state everything out clearly ? i doubt so......

maybe i aint cut out for r/ship.... the bgr kind.... interpersonal kind....
when i lost the trust for friends..... slowly i am losing trust for all sorts too......

well well well..... serve u right! haha. to hell with u sam.....

Just came back from my unit's DND.
Well this year's DND was held in camp..... standard like fuck... and somemore it command the same fee as last year which was held at Fullerton..... WTH?

Anyway that aside. Better blog down what I had in mind first.

I HATE DRUNKARDS

I realised I hate drunkards.... and yes, HATE!
When they are drunk, they are damn damn ugly.... do the stupidest of things.... say the dumbest of words....

I hate to be around this type of pple.... if you know you would end up like this after you drink then you jolly well don't......

If you cant hold your liquor then don't act till you can..... know your limits.....

I had bad experience with this type of pple for these past 2 weeks.... don't need such FATE......

Hey god, if you are reading my blog, can you kindly dun let me see drunkards again ?

Maybe I am practising double standard here, but if SHE gets drunk, I will not HATE it.... will DISLIKE it..... but will be there right till the end to take good care of her. :P

I HATE CROWDS, PARTIES, ENTERTAINING, SUCKING UP!

I hate to be in crowds... in formal dinners..... in wild parties..... to entertain pple.....
I nv will suck up to anyone nor put on a pretentious front just to be in his/her good books.
This attitude of mine will definitely caused me a lot but then again I guessed it should be fine, as I wont let myself down.
I always believed that in this world the worst thing you can ever do is to let yourself down... so i would nv do that to myself...

Don't know why I am such a person.... i guessed i had lost a lot becos of this trait of mine....

Lost in love? interpersonal relationships? work? blah blah blah

The girls I loved b4 and like.... usually likes to party.... haha
That's y sometimes i think i deserved to be alone cause the gals i kinda like will nv be satisfied to be with a dummy like me. :)

My superiors and colleagues likes to chiong.
I don't... so i always see my peers and juniors hanging out with them, slowly joining their clique... but i am still stagnant....
So unfair treatment will definitely be there..... these are just human affections...
Recently I been pretty quiet at work.... do my own work... talk less.... work work work.... cos i dun feel that I have friends at my workplace..... just colleagues.... not friends.... i am pretty much alone... but hack that ..... i am used to that... of all those that even read my blog.... how close of a friend are we anyway? haha
well I don't blame anyone..... it all boils down to me..... really....

SELF CONFIDENCE

Self confidence is pretty much a self induced trait.

I been having jumps recently...... sometimes high on confidence.... sometimes low....

Financially things should be fine by Feb/Mar and loosen up by DEC.... that is a good news for me..... but can i survive till then? hope so.....

Relationship wise..... well.....
After Joey.... she's the girl that really throttle my heartbeat..... felt really comfortable whenever i am out with her.... maybe becos we are similar? in both personality, backgrounds, and up bringing?
When I am with her, I experience things i nv felt for a long long time.
Even bites can be so soothing to the skin! hehe

We got feelings for each other.....
But time is the essence here/
Well so we gonna play the time game again.... time..... it makes or breaks......

Hope it wont go wrong this time.....

Got this thru Yahoo.
Its a Personality and Love Style test
For those interested, you can take it here

Your Personality Type: The Champion
Sharing your winning attitude
Champions like you are natural winners, filled with vitality, confidence, and courage.
Of all the personality types, yours is probably the most adaptable. You can survive almost anything! You easily adjust to new situations. After a move or when starting a new job, you make friends easily. You're a hard-worker and great team player. You also cope with stress well, and always seem to bounce back after bad events. In fact, you do more than simply survive; you thrive!
It's easy for Champions to follow the path of least resistance in their careers (and even their personal lives). You've probably been pulled into college majors, jobs, and even relationships because it was the easiest thing to do. With all the encouragement and positive results, it's understanding that you'd forget to ask: "Is this really what I want?"
Of course, just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Sometimes you can be overwhelmed by all of life's possibilities. Champions often need help forming their life vision. You should focus on developing your inner voice and listening to your instincts, rather than allowing yourself to be pulled by external forces.
No matter what path you choose, you have a formula for success. It starts with your upbeat attitude toward life. You're optimistic by nature and genuinely look forward to what life's going to bring you. You refuse to let fear control your life. You seek out adventures and challenges. You will always be striving to live up to your full potential.

Your Love Style : Romantic
You want and expect it all?a lasting connection with someone on every level?mental, emotional, sexual, and spiritual.
True Romantics like you are pretty rare. You have a good imagination, which allows you to visualize the type of woman you could fall in love with. You can actually see and feel the future happiness the two of you would share. You also have the patience and persistence to search for her.
When you finally meet her, the attraction can be instant and overwhelming. True Romantics believe in destiny, but you're also willing to give fate a push in the right direction. If necessary, you'll even make a total fool of yourself to win her over. Romantics know that falling in love often means falling flat on your face.
Still, if the two of you can connect, you'll have the capacity to experience the type of love most people only dream about. Specifically, your "style" of loving appears to have these common features:
You're looking for a very close, intimate relationship. You want to share every aspect of your life with her and not hold anything back. This means knowing about each other's pasts, including the unflattering parts. Most importantly, though, you should be very open and totally honest about your life now. If you love her, you'll want to know about her hopes and dreams, as well as her fears and insecurities.
You're most likely to fall in love with a woman who is independent by nature. She won't expect to merge her life with yours. Keeping separate friends, for example, will just give you more to talk about when you're together.
A good sexual connection is also important, but intense sexual passion tends to wane over time. Eventually, affection and companionship are as (if not more) important as good sex.
Both partners have to decide when they're ready to make a commitment. You have to be sensitive to each other's needs. One shouldn't be kept waiting indefinitely, nor should the other feel rushed. The two of you have to agree on the level of commitment that makes sense given your feelings and how long you've been together.

Your Biggest Challenge Is:
Can you spend less time seeking other people's approval?

It's totally reasonable that you'd want to be appreciated for who you are and what you do. However, what if you spend too much of your life highlighting something about yourself (like your appearance or smarts), or something you do (like being nice, working hard, or winning awards) in order to please others? Champions like you often need to be reminded that they're loved and accepted even when they're not performing.
If you don't already, make a conscious effort to do nice things for yourself (like get a massage, get enough sleep, take time to exercise or read) every day. Doing these things will remind you that you're valuable and important just as you are. The more uncomfortable this makes you feel, the more you need to do it!
You'd probably also benefit from spending some extended time alone. With no one around to please or impress, you get to practice listening to your own needs and wishes. Go to bed when you want to; eat what you want to eat; stay busy or be lazy. Remind yourself how good it feels to put your own needs first.
While you're taking care of yourself, you may also want to consider tackling some other potential areas for improvement:
You hate to be alone. Your challenge is learning the difference between solitude and loneliness. Try scheduling a "date" with yourself. Cook yourself dinner or order take-out and pick out a great movie to watch by yourself. When you spend all your free time with other people, you end up spending your time alone doing chores or dealing with problems. So you have to remind yourself what great company you can be.
You're a people pleaser. You can be so focused on keeping other people happy that you forget to take care of your own needs. It sounds clich‚, but the only one that can satisfy your need for approval is yourself. Try setting aside some time every day to think about what you've done and be proud of the little things you do that people can't or won't appreciate.
You have a workaholic streak. You're constantly taking on new projects at work and home. It's hard for you to say "No." Yet, you have to break the cycle of creating more and more ambitious ways of winning everyone's praise and proving your own worth.

After a week of the graveyard shift, its finally back to normal le! =)
So no need to talk about work la, as always, the same old stuffs.

Let's talk about yesterday! Saturday!
well, after work, i went home.
reach home liao then went out loh.
went makan at amk then kbox then pool-fusion then kbox again. hehehe
sing too long yesterday, almost died! but the kbox at Paradiz not bad wor, compared to the other branches. Learn a few new songs? and think will learn some other songs ba, songs by Jacky Wu! hehehe and maybe the song "ziyue"?
went pak pool also, lost 10-7 and was "physically"-abused...... :~
Lots of bruises and teeth marks on both my arms..... so ke lian right?
But the tables and cues at pool fusion is good! seriously! think that might be a new hang-out next time!

Some good things happen last night! Things been good recently! Or is it i just look at the brighter side of life?
Life can be really different when you decide to look at it with a different light!
4 more months and I'll be through! Life aint too bad!~

Anyway sang "Tears in heaven" last night..... kinda reminded me of daddy.... i hope he can be there and listen to what I wanna say to him.... human always wanna do something when things are too late.... right ?

Saw a proggie called "Get Real!" on the CNA.
This episode was talking about bloggers. hahaha.
They were saying that diaries had took a backseat...... well..... not really ba.
some things will still be kept for my own views only. hahaha.

Woke up at 4pm today! hehe.
hmmmmm wat did i do for the past few days?

wed to sat is work loh.

sat after work went play bball at ccc? well had an enjoyable day la.
sorry guys cant join u all for dinner that day as i got to go get my board short and sun tanning lotion.
bought a board short from Stadium! and got $6 discount becos i SAFRA member! shuang shuang~!

sun suppose to go sentosa but got ps at the very last moment... thus i went serangoon north to get stuffs for my fish tanks. nowadays into plant keeping ma... so do do do from 4+ all the way till 8+.
went amk to makan and pak pool with emily and her peng you meng.
reach home at about 4+?
realised my LG phone, the front LCD burnt..... gonna send in for repair le.... heng still got warranty ....
so poor liao still come this kinda thing.
then koon loh.

today wake up... found out that my specs spoilt.. actually only one of those plastics that supports the spec on the nose one drop out la.... but sian loh.... cos always like that.....
then came online and surf around.
edited my friendster, add pics, add rss feed for my blog onto friendster and blah blah blah.
going to work soon..... this week working midnight shift.
so anyone who's sian can msg me in the wee hours of the night. hahaha.

hmmmmm, ya

GOOD LUCK TO EMILY FOR HER EXAM AND PENNY FOR HER EXAM TOO!
JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU!

that's all. jaa~

Share with you guys this nice advertisement b4 i go work!
hehe.

Well, nothing much la, as these 2 days working days ma.
Yesterday come home, do weights, change fish tank water.....
that's all? then sleep after i do my usual routine of forum-ing and chatting. :)

Going to work le!
ciaoz!

Just back home!

hmm update abit la.

Last night after my nap went amk to eat and talk cock with my sec bros.
then later pak snooker with them.
won a bit.
free cab fare, free food! haha.
Reach home bath eat sleep.

Start the day with a stiff neck......
wanted to go swimming but the neck been giving me doubts....
but in the end still go all the same la.
went SAFRA Yishun and swam for 20 laps. hehe
shiok shiok.
gonna try to swim once every week liao.

then went and meet up with yi xuan for dinner.
makan liao come home loh.
now blogging.

that's all ba.
gonna do some work.
later got thing then update again.
ciaoz

The last time i blogged was on the 5th.
And now's the 10th.

well so wat happen for this week?
work work and more work? haha
as usual ba.

well, i was complaining about the stupid spammers in my previous entry!
well u wouldn't see them anymore!
i had just installed a plugin for my blog (MovableType).
Actually i was quite lazy to install the plugin but after i got home and check my email today, i found the need and urgency to do so!
I was downloading 300+ mail!!!!!!!!!!! All belonging to the CB spammers!!!!!!
well first thing to mind, that's it!!!!
and well i am quite sure i am getting rid of most of them for now! hehehe.

Went to Janson's birthday cum channel outing today. well only stayed for a while cos gotta work am tmr ...... sux right? cant play to the max! haha.

Well I saw a show I wanna watch! Art of the Devil! a thai horror flick! well well! so little time so much to do! movies! and i also wanna watch MAMA MIA! anyone game on this? hehehe
so many things and did i tell u i am on budget and having a severe lack of vitamin M for now till Feb? ....... then how wor? haiz.... can only fantasize maybe....

ya, gotta go and retake my theory on monday/tues, need to go SAFRA Yishun and swim too!
i am far lagging behind on my get heavy and fit bod regime! haha

that's all ba.....
time to go and calculate my bills and debts le.... pay all asap! hehe!
ciaoz!

Nowadays my blog been spam quite badly by stupid spammers.....
Have to ban their IPs but they always come around with new IPs to spam the blog..... so LL...... now banning their IPs had become a daily routine for me.... kaoz......

Well, just came back from Aloha Chalet. Was there to celebrate my coy's anniversary. Went bowling in the day , soccer in the noon, makan session and cake cutting in the night. Then home le. Cause the guys going to cheong, and me being a non-cheonger, come home loh..... well nobody bother to ask anyway... but normal la, since they know firstly i got no $$$, secondly always ask me i also dun go... so guess they know wat to expect la. he he he.

Wasn't feeling all that great today, shld be becos i got nothing to do ba for most of the time so kinda sian and stuff up inside loh.
Was taking bus 88 home, and it was a long journey. So needless to say, during this kinda long journey, that's only 2 response from me. Either to sleep or to ponder.
Well both happened, i ponder first, tired liao then rest a while. And as usual woke up as soon as i "sensed" that i am reaching my stop.

Ponder alot... well i am still remaining upbeat and enthusiatic towards getting out of debt and leading a more purposeful and fun-filled life. As for relationships.... well i only got myself to blame for anything that happens, cos after all its my decision. She had given up on me and so i shld too..... things will nv be the same as before... In a way, I am not really open up for r/ships... its just me pulling myself away. I will always remain in this scenario....

"see girl, develop impression (if any), distance myself away from girl. game over."

ha ha. the manly sammy is becoming more and more ah gua liao.... would i turn gay someday? (hopefully no!!)

I learnt 2 things

1. "A man can dun like women, but should never turn to love men instead."
2. "Man can be poor but not in debt."

?愛情是一片海﹐而我卻迷失在那片海裡。。。。。。?

The Reason - By Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

RAIN - 范晓萱 Fan, Mavis

作詞：許常德　作曲：郭子　編曲：屠穎

我懷念有一年的夏天　一場大雨把你留在我身邊
我看著你那被淋濕的臉　還有一片樹葉貼在頭髮上面

那時我們被困在路邊　世界不過是一個小小屋簷
你說如果雨一直下到明天　我們就廝守到永遠

Rain falling in my heart 你的聲音仍然深印我心田
世界改變　你也改變我在海角天邊

Rain falling in my heart 你的諾言雖然沒有實現
愛是雨點　落在昨天永不放晴的纏綿

Forgot to tell u guys, fri i not going to TCC, working till 10pm.... shrugs...

You've always wondered how the other sex experiences an orgasm... Do you want to see the difference? Then try this Orgasmic Simulation:

Online Orgasmic Simulation

I am in a period of downgrading! hehe! downgrade my handphone plans, suspend my insurance, blah blah blah.

Sell away old unwanted computer stuff, sold my ps2, sold away all my old stocks!

All in a bid to improve my financial efficiency! gimme half a year and things would be over! fine! hehe

I had the feeling of being rape now.... as in....
"just bear with it for a moment and the pain would be over...." *lol*

no matter how gloomy it might seem, there will always be light, but sometimes the distance might be long! bear with it! bear with it!

hmmmmm, went cut hair just now. a bit kuku...
go library wanna borrow book on php.... found that i got fine to pay..
wanna pay.... cashcard bo lui.... go top up.... cashcard spoilt..... in the end cant borrow....... kns......
wanna self improve also cannot......

a quote to share with all! this is self invented!

"In life , there can only be reasons, not excuses!"

What you want?
Is what you want really what suits you?
Or is what you want a temporary fascination?
What you want might be just right beside you, but then again, does she really suit you?
So what is what you want?
How do you define what you want?
I tried...... i failed...... i am confused......

In the end? Just don't think about what you want.... cos at the right moment, what you want would come and let you know she's the one.

u do not need logic to love.. logic is the function of the brain
u love with ur heart
and that needs no excuses.