Losing LOVE.....

I am SIAN! I am TIRED! but I don't fell like sleeping yet!!!! how? *lol*

hmmm, well, like i said earlier, i went to CCC to pak bball!
I was on bus 167 as i was going straight from camp.
Well I overslept and had to trackback from Far East and walk back to CCC...... *duhz*

Hmmm, reach CCC, sit around for a while, saw my new jersey, number 28!!!!!! shld have gotta number 88 instead though... *tsk*

then went pak ball loh. ok not a bad day. enjoy myself cos finding fitness coming back! and ball sense also not that rusty le! *yippie*

After the games, as usual, one whole big gang went to have dinner together loh.

chk my 4D results..... i bought 9438, the starter open 9384..... see $500 fly away.... *sigh*

after dinner i nothing do so go home loh.
was contemplating whether to train pool anot but think today sat la so dun think should have any empty table, somemore at that kind of time...... i just walked from meridien to park lane to take 147 back to hougang la in the end.

well, while walking to the bus stop i got some thoughts....

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
~~~~DRIFTING INTO THOUGHTS~~~~
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Saw some couples today... was envious of how happy they are.
I recalled all my previous relationships and how happy each and every one of them were.
There were good times and bad.... and i can never forget the bad... it always affect me more than how the good moments can influence me....
Of course I want to find someone perfect, someone happy, someone that suits me...... but that was in the past, not anymore...
Love is something that I had no control of... sometimes i think i am in it but i am out, sometimes i think i like/love her, but i dun, sometimes i dun she likes/loves me but she is not...
I was hurt before and I hurt others before.
I deserve all that i had gotten but the others that I had hurt never deserved the hurts that i brought about and caused...
thus i think i rather be single.... and concentrate on other more concrete things in life, rather than love.....

i thought about changes too..... i dun wan anyone to change for me to become something that they are not..... neither will i change for others and be something that i am not....

for the whole of today i kept humming the tune of "last christmas" softly to myself... a verse from it always surfaced....

"Once bitten and twice shy,
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye,
Tell me baby, do you recognise me,
Well, it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me."