January 2004 Archives

Well, woke up at 3+ today... rainy day.... kills my mood for photography le....

maybe later go jog or play bball if the weather is better, gonna do somee weights training too! *lol*

well there's a new show i wanna catch, anyone interested?

anyway am back home from the jogging session. *tiring*
well did some weights too! when can i grow bigger?????? *lol*

well did some changes to some images and some contents in the site. i am happy.

nothing le.... hahaha. these days are getting more and more dull and colourless for me...

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受了点伤 - 阿桑
词:施人诚 曲:Gi Hun Lim/Jun Young Choi/Gyung Moon Ham

My love，晚安 就别再为难 别管我会受伤
想开 体谅 我已经习惯 不然又能怎样？

这个城市太会说谎 爱情只是昂贵的橱窗
沿路华丽灿烂 陈列甜美幻象
谁当真谁就上当

竟然以为你会不一样 但凭什么你要不一样
因为寂寞太冷 虚构出的温暖
没理由能撑到天亮

前进 转弯 我跌跌撞撞 在这迷宫打转
死心 失望 会比较简单 却又心有不甘

这个城市太会伪装 爱情就像霓虹灯一样
谁离开之后 却把灯忘了关 让梦作得太辉煌

以为能够留你在身旁 但是谁肯留在谁身旁
一首情歌都比一个亲吻更长
这就叫好聚好散

别说你对我感到愧疚 别说你会永远想念我
我很知道孤单这条路怎么走 请你不要安慰我

My love，晚安 别放在心上
我只受了点伤
只是受了点伤

23th Jan '04 (Cu2)
Work pm loh..... damn bored la to work pm on CNY... but nvm.... went home slack then sleep...

24th Jan '04 (Cu3)
Saturday. Off Day. Went play bball at CCC. Supposed to be at CCC. Well met Ben, Alex and Gu for lunch at amk s11 first. I ate quite a lot and Ben got a free Ice Milo!!! WTH! We were sitting along the outskirts of the coffeeshop. That drink auntie kept forgetting to bring my ice lemon tea... so she keep going back and fourth... then suddenly it starts to pour.... so me and ben chao loh! and he haven't pay yet!

Well anyway after makan at S11, we decided to head down to Bedok CC to play cos got shelter mah! Had a good day at bball! I realised that going to shoot alone sometimes really helps you to pick up your game. Anyway Wx, Malcolm, Andy joined us there loh.

After bball, me and gu went to eat desserts! after which come my house eat steamboat! *lol*

hmmmm, yun, ben and hx came later to my house and join us for Mj! Well I played till 6+ am i bth liao... i went to sleep and let yun continue for me.. they played till 10am loh!!! well i lost $4.50! haha. anyway they kept EVERYTHING b4 they left!

Thanks Peeps!

ps : all mj kakis, care to come out with $10 for a new table? the table gonna die soon!!!!

25th Jan '04
Well wake up at around 2.... and tumpang friend's vehicle to work at 210pm! *lol*
another working day! anyway played tombola and won !!! *lol*

26th Jan '04
Work AM! well off work abit earlier then usual. Cos Defence Minister coming to visit my office and RSM doesnt want him to see the market scene! *lol*

Went to meet yun for bball at CCC. Well hx, wx, gu, hw and ben joined us later.

At first only me, hx and yun were there loh.

yun was teaching hx hw to lay up! and she **** *lol* such a nice ****. ground slippery ar! and you all want to know wat the **** means? just go see her blog you all know le! the way she **** is worth 10/10!!!! *lol*

well the others came later... hw left earlier.... then yun.... cos no one was there except us..... i fell asleep while waiting for peeps to come....

ok some ABC came and I was woken up to pak! Well had some nice games. I played with Robin Leong !!! he mark me loh!!! but he quite busok! Whenever I shoot, he will nudged me slightly! *lol*

Anyway it was quite nice playing with the ABCs, i like players that plays without temper.

After that went holland to eat... well I wasnt too full.... *lol*

reach home, slept like a log.....

27th Jan '04
Woke at at 4-5!!!! *OMG!!!*
Well played cm4 loh.... do nothing whole day.... watch DA ZHI LAO by Andy Lau. Not bad la the show. hmmm, that's all....boring day

ya, i finally finished jq's gallery too! she got a chio friend!!! *lol*

17th Jan '04.
Work pm... no life...

18th Jan '04.
Work AM, colleague's wedding that day... too shack... fallen asleep and never go... hahaha.

but nvm la, gave ang bao anyway! :D

19th Jan '04.
Working AM shift. Reach home and the whole bloody sky was raining!!! raining cats dogs elephants rhinos and watever! I was planning to go pak bball! *bakero!*

then i do nothing loh... pak cm4... kaoz...

at night went holiday home to karaoke with gu and wx. (mai say i bo jio!!! sudden decision hor!)
then after that went to eat Yu Tiao Da Wang!

reach home half a dead man! *lol*

20th Jan '04
Well, it was quite a boring eve to the Lunar New Year! Slept till 3pm... then was planning to eat at 5pm... mum ask me to wait for Sister and Brother-in-law... kns they reach at around 7+pm.... heng i eat first!

went to play bball. had a good time at the court.
reach home around 10+.... mum went out....
told her to stay home cos i not bringing keys....
in the end i was lock out till 1120.... wtf? damn sian loh..
then after that is all the eat, drink, sleep, shit, bath, brush stuffs la.

21st Jan '04 (CNY Eve).
Never sleep the night b4.... early morning went to marina promenade for a 3km run organised by camp. b4 that went to hans to have b/fast.

well the run no sweat la *lol* must be due to the constant bball sessions that i been having.

while i was there, my friends kept asking me, "Sam, recently you always go swim ar???" *lol* because i dyed my hair. now a bit reddish de.

reach home around 10+.
played around in front of the comp till 1+. bth!!!! went kooning till like 5+? then seh till 8pm to catch the chinese movie acted by Cecillia Cheung and Leon Lai, nice nice! but not that kind that leaves you dry and high! *lol*

hmmmm, after that went chinatown with Reagan, rG, Gu, Yunyun, Hx, Huan Wei, Min and YiBin.
go there to crowd around loh! *lol*
after which we decide to go Marina South! donny joined us then. It was at the so call "usual spot"! *lol*
well yunyun, hx, min and huan wei was "siao-ingly" playing with the fireworks while i take my pics.
got some good pics and am happy with it. happy with the place we were at as well.

went home at 3+ ba. then ZZZZzzzzZZZZ le shortly after that....

22th Jan '04. (Cu(1) 1)
Working day. Work pm shift.
Well I woke up at 1+, then "shackily" went to work all the way till 10+...

"sorry yunyun, can't accompany you all to the movies... tired la, also tmr gotta work morning! :D"

well, did some downloads and post processing of the pics i took yesterday.
got some pretty nice shots i would say. quite satisfied. *lol*

Time to zzZZzzZZzz soon!

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some pics taken on CNY eve that i like! 'O'

Well, yesterday was a day that i did nothing except play, eat and sleep.
Woke up, play game, chat, blah blah blah all the way till night.

At night went holiday home with Gu, Donny and Hx. Well it was cheap, too cheap to be exact. :X *lol*

At the ktv I was reminded once again of HER... Ah Gu will know why... dun wanna explain it here.
But it was not because of the songs though and that's a good sign.

Well after that we went to makan at Geylang. I ate quite a lot. hmm, wanton mee $3, Satay Bee Hoon $4, then soya beancurd and you tiao.

Well the latter two were free! Hx treat one loh! *kudos* haha.

Ya, that guy wanna eat YOU[2] TIAO[2] HE[2] FEN[3]!!! *LOL* I dunno where to find loh... you guys know bo?????? :X

Ya, he also wanted to impregnant a girl, just to be a taxi driver... haiz... nowadays wat are the younger generation thinking of ... kaoz....

Well today do no shit... tired... sleep... eat... play... no productivity... gotta think of something to do le... haha.

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It will only be at moments that I am down that I think of HER again... to me that's a good sign... at least I know I am over her but these are the few periods.. she was too much of an impact to me...

well, i once heard of a phrase that goes like this, "To forget one, you'll need to love another".

It works for her! I am sure. *lol* But for me? Nah, I can't find another one to love... not that easy... I promised myself not to be like a despo or to rush into a relationship, less to say to be involved with crushes.. I rather have another friend then to lose one till to reasons as stupid as this..

Everybody have a story to tell. A story about a relationship that they once had. A relationship that was unforgettable and memorable.

This past relationship also left them regrets.. regret that the relationship had already passed... and no longer in the present.

They call this relationship 旧爱...

旧爱还是最美　美的东西往往太早枯萎
后悔时的泪水　又特别让人觉得无力疲惫

旧爱还是最美　有时分手不是谁负了谁
两个对的人却在错的时候爱了一回

And its true... sometimes it aint anybody's fault, it ain't even because they no longer love each other... just that sometimes 两个对的人却在错的时候爱了一回...

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旧爱还是最美 - 苏永康 So, William
作词：姚若龙　作曲：陈子鸿　编曲：吴庆隆

半夜看 cable 的旧电影寂寞好深
想看自己从前　从前的幸福和愚蠢
电影里主角回头的泪痕　那泪痕
忽然好想旧情人的柔软双唇

人一辈子常常只有　只有一次缘份
错过就再也遇不到那么好的人
于是心里不时飘浮暖暖那个吻
从此能付出的情爱也不完整

oh～不自禁找寻很像她的情人
但是没有谁有像她的灵魂

旧爱还是最美　美的东西往往太早枯萎
后悔时的泪水　又特别让人觉得无力疲惫
旧爱还是最美　有时分手不是谁负了谁
两个对的人却在错的时候爱了一回

12th Jan 2004.
Monday. 8-5. Its sort of a WITS day. For all those in uniform groups, this would be something that is familiar.
Hmmmm, quite inspirational la.
I want to learn VB and JSP!
Other than that bo liao loh... went home after work and lead my routine life loh.
Dyed my hair. Suppose to be Cool Khaki colour, but on dark hair, it is a bit reddish.... heng not to red... just a bit under hot sunlight... if not no need go back camp le.

13th Jan 2004.
Tuesday. Off day. Drilled some holes on my wall to hang a pad i bought from Ikea quite some time back.
Then Slack at home day. Went dinner with Ah Gu loh. And then walk walk pasar malam. hmmmm, after which he came over my house to do his presentation slides and mob worksheets. that's all.

14th Jan 2004.
Went pak ball in the evening at woodlands. Met Ben first at Causeway point kfc. Thanks to ben for his treat! *lol*
Bought some stuffs for my room, need to DIY!
Had an ok day. Today able to concentrate more. But nv do much also la. Just a very casual session. Then back home...
Sai pang seh ben and me loh.... wtf? lol but i understand la. :D
that's all

Eternal love by pj & duncan

Back in the days when we first met
those time we had I'm never gonna forget
long summer nights and lazy days
we knew our love was not a passing phase
suntan lotion that familiar smell
I made you a necklace from a chian of shells
the sand on my feet and the warm sea breeze
a kind of romance that's hard to believe

Our bodies together beneath the palm
We had our first kiss I melted in your arms

Chorus: I'll give you my love an eternal love
from me to you if you return
A token of love an eternal love
from you to me i'll give my love

When autumn leaves were on the ground
we had long walks together with noone around
long conversations alone in the park
that carry on 'till way after dark
winters chill and icy streets
inside is warm on the christmas eve
The fire burning our bodies yearning

Round and round the wheel of loves are turning

Chorus: I'll give you my love an eternal love
from me to you if you return
A token of love an eternal love
from you to me i'll give my love

So promise me (will you promise me)
and i'll promise you an eternal love, eternal love.

The very first fragance of spring is in the air
And each and every moment we still love to share
Alone together Just the two of us
It was then I know my heart belonged to you
Mmmm.. summers here

Chorus: I'll give you my love an eternal love
from me to you if you return
A token of love an eternal love
from you to me i'll give my love

So promise me (will you promise me)
and i'll promise you an eternal love, eternal love.

Love!!!! Eternal love?? Is there? Time will tell.

Suddenly tot of this song again, thanx to yunyun loh, for asking me about the song. The song gets my mind to work again, to think, to ponder...

I used to believe in Love, in forever love, in fairy tales story told by old man of how the prince met this girl and live happily ever after.. but that is in story dear friends....

Its not that I don't believe in eternal love anymore... just maybe momentarily lost hope... lost directions.

I still believe that someday, somewhere, somehow, i will meet this girl and she will be the one for me and I will be the one for her... someday.... till it comes...

Its a great relieve and utmost release to get over her and move on, ahead. It had been the most mentally-relieved week that I had had for some time.

I think I wont love easily anymore... not like last time. I am afraid to be in a crush, i am afraid that confession will break the unique relationship 2 person had... I am afraid... just afraid.... I rather be friends and just good plain friends. Cos if that person is mine, she would be in time.

There's many kind of people in this world that we lived in.

i. Nv had relationship.
ii. Had a few, once in a blue moon.
iii. Had a lot, can't be single.

I think only these 3 types? or is there more?
I belong to ii.
I can't have a relationship straight after another.... really... I ain't someone who gets over a person easily.... for me, it took at least a yr... not to forget, but to detach.. dun think i will ever forget... haha.
Well when would i have another gf? a mei of mine asked... I told her when i got money i go thailand buy! *lol*
i am not in a rush la, there's always other things for me to do instead of being in a r/ship.

why am i so emotional today? I dunno, just a lot of "xin li hua".

Sunday. Working day. Working afternoon today.
Had a sumptious dinner! Am I starting my 2nd puberty stage? *lol*

Well, my new pod lite line had no reception in my office.... sux man! I test it on my 6610 instead then it got recept!!!! wat the hack? now i gotta change the sim cards between the 2 phones whenever i am in office...

haiz.... siemens me45 reception really lost to Nokia 6610.... time to aim for a new phone.... if not very troublesome to always change sim cards between the 2 phones.

Colleague tumpang me today and drop me near home.
While walking home, i suddenly realised 1 thing.... these few days I actually nv think about her! am i over her? Hopefully I am! :D
Really hope i am, god bless!

well tomorrow will be 8-5 for me, after work need to go visit dad... hopefully tomorrow night's entry wont be a sad one.

I was flipping thru some photography mags today, and some of the articles really struck on me.
Like the one on the Indonesian Children who lives in poverty and had to go to find rubbish to sell to recycling companies...
I am inspired to shoot photos that tells a story! Thinking of going to shoot on Tuesday! Xian Mei free?

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Ask you all a qn

"If a person left you for about 5-6 yrs, do you think r/ship between the 2 of you will deterioate? or maybe not as close? grew apart?

missing makes the heart grows fonder or does it widens the distance between the 2 person?"

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时光机 - 五月天 Mayday
词/曲:阿信

那阳光 碎裂在熟悉场景 好安静
一个人 能背多少往事 真不轻
谁的笑 谁的温暖的手心 我着迷
伤痕好像都变成了 曾经

全剧终 看见满场空座椅 灯亮起
这故事 好像真实又像虚幻 的情境
只是那 好不容易被说服 的自己
借口又顶不住懊恼的侵袭

好后悔 好伤心 想重来 行不行
再一次 我就不会走向这样的结局
好后悔 好伤心 谁把我 放回去
我愿意 付出所有来换一个时光机

对不起 独自回荡在空气 没人听
最后又是孤单 到天明

真的痛 总是来的很轻盈 没声音
从背后 慢慢缓缓抱着我 就像你
你和我 还有很多的地方 还没去
为何留我荒唐的坐在这里

7th Jan was my last update on mr Blog.
so wat did i do ? and why i never update????? kns...... *lol*

hmmmm, pretty tired loh these few days, basically i reached home, i sleep within an hour and woke up in the morning by 6.15am...

even when today was my off day, my body clock ask me to wake up at 6.30am... wtf?

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8th Jan 2004
My second morning shift. Whole day was in camp cause i had to attend a company happy hour after work.... reach home met zhou gong within an hour..

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9th and 10th Jan 2004
9th - Went back to camp for half a day... and not compensated one loh, even though it was my off... fuck... but nvm, gotta take it professionally, it is work! and work is impt loh. *psycho-to-be*

then reach home, wanna go pak bball... no place to play, no one got any idea, got idea one also nv share... nvm...

went downstairs to shoot.

saw the local court-bengs there. was resting while i heard they all tok about army to some young girls, i almost died laughing.

1. beng : "my uncle in army, he work for more than 40 yrs!!!!!"
(fyi, army contract ends at 55 at the most... so he's uncle sign on when he's like 15??????? *lol* btw singapore 1964 got army meh?)

2. beng : "wear specs cannot go air force one."

got one more about navy one, but i forgotten. haha.

another guy, cant jump cant shoot and certainly not fast talk very loudly :"hey, combined schools invite me to play for them!"
*i almost wanna laugh out loudly."

ok enough of that, after that i reach home, andrew called me and ask me to play bball with them at ccc.

ben,andrew,alex,wx and me went loh to play 5-on-5.

well had fun, hahaha.

after which went makan, thanks wx for the treat! and also gu for not minding me sleeping in his car while he was driving me back, too tired!

well slept within an hour... a usual practice these days.

10th - woke up, went ccc. regretted going... played one game and sat for the rest of my time there... fuck up day but some incidents made me realised some stuffs...

well surprised to see my cousin there today... but that's it. nothing much anyway.

left early in a bid to stop my misery.
went orchard to do some shits.

i. signed up for a new pod lite plan to curb my ever increasing smses.
ii. bought 2 mags and 2 cina book.
iii. ate delifrance alone outside taka, reading my mag, and saw a friend of my ex-ex-gf walk past.
iv. bought mayday's newest CD! :D
v. bought a gatsby hair dye, cool khaki colour, but on my hair, the effect should be very minimal, ok with me, cos i just wanna cover my ever increasing white hairs.

then it is time for home.

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well, whenever i am alone, lots of thoughts go thru my mind. well for today also, but i am happy to think so much... for once in my life...

hmm, as usual i live in my own world and am pleased with it... too please sometime, that it is hard to fit into reality.

well i got new realization on friends today.
i made some, or abit too much, hi and bye friends recently, time to cut down. i hate people to tell me how good friends we are, when their actions simply speaks other wise. well that's it on friends.

hmmm, i also realised i am getting shitter and shitter at bball.... but fuck it, i got no time to train.. not like last time so free...
and now when i played at ccc i am not as happy .... many reasons... so i might just quit ccc altogether.....

yah, 1 more thing.

finally, after 21 yrs of life, i realised i am really a hermit... i am happier alone, am not good mixing with group of people, friends... and less girls... so think my life should be some what fixed liao.... i got good friends, a few. *lol* gf? no hab. target? no hab...

i dun wan to have any crushes... waste of my time also.
i always got this thinking, "if got good things, it wont happen to me!"

ha ha ha. life on life....

update 0204hr : one more thing, i am always asked to make up numbers.... if next time u all need people to make up for numbers, dun ask me please... thanks....

in 21 yrs of life, i am only on the p1 list of a few person.... my ex ex, ex, ming, weida, derong, joey.... that's all.... no one else.... haha......

got a few new ones though :D dun wan to say, let u all think!

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Artist: The Turtles Lyrics
Song: Happy Together Lyrics

Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night, it's only right
To think about the girl you love and hold her tight
So happy together

If I should call you up, invest a dime
And you say you belong to me and ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine
So happy together

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

So happy together
How is the weather
So happy together
We're happy together
So happy together
Happy together
So happy together
So happy together (ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba)

haiz.... work la, as usual.. work in the morning loh..

ate 6 pc of wholemeal bread with peanut butter and a bowl of bake beans for breakfast...

after work was contemplating whether to go town or pak ball.
jio donny to go town but he cant confirm as he may need to attend a talk... so in the end nv go town loh, went pak bball with ben, hx, yunyun and jeremy instead at yishun.

well i waited for ben for 1/2 hour at yck mrt... took the time to go pang sai... hahaha.. i still ok loh, sai waited for 40 min!!!

hmmm, bball today wasn't too bad.
played 4-on-4 win all the way, only when we start 5-0n-5, we lost..... dunno is it we 4-on-4 they cannot win, so decide to play 5-on-5...
well i was a bit blur today... not enough sleep, awake since last night 2am , a bit sick, stupid throat! quite sore ... and the stupid wind!but still manage to pass and shoot la. *lol*

after the ball went makan loh, ate quite a lot again... then met zhou gong on the way home... almost bath with him! *lol*

now time to play bball with him le! he miss me!

and on ya, btw my new hair cut!!

ciaoz! go koon le ba!

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Sometimes love just ain't enough - patti smith

Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No

sometimes just aint enough.... u still need time, place and people... and many others too...... lol
life oh life, i am starting to understand and get over it!

*yawns*

Early in the morning at 6.12 am, I am here typing at my blog! *lol*
Well, yesterday nv slp for the night cos woke up at night.... then went cut hair in the noon, got this really really short hairstyle... maybe post a pic later for you all to peek-a-preview-boo.
then went to buy rice for mum to makan.
went ntuc bought wholemeal bread, bake beans and vitagen! *lol*

Nv go orchard... cos damn tired... think maybe today after work then go loh.

well now eating b/fast. feeling energetic! song!

well ah gu msg me last night, he's in penang at 3+am , saying he's gonna go KL next day, see la, he go m'sia buy wat back for me! *lol*

hmmmmm, i am not over yet but guessed i am making good progress! people changes, time passes, some things will nv be back... gotta accept it! well , anyone got any girl to intro? *lol* just kidding aint so despo!

i got a bunch of good friends! i am happy for the time being! hehe.

ok lah, that's all, gotta go get ready for work le.

*ciaoz*

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恒星的恒心 - 五月天 Mayday
词/曲:阿信

你和我 看星星 那夜空 多神秘
天很黑 风很急 你把我抱得很紧
沉默的银河系 因为你有意义
你要是落泪滴 世界都要下雨
雨 降落在大地 我安静倾听 却无法领悟 你为何放弃
带走回荡的回忆 你像流浪的流星
把我丢在黑夜 想着你
你要离开的黎明 我的眼泪在眼睛
下定决心 我决定
用恒星的恒心 等你 等你（等着你 等着你 等着你 等着你）
那一年的花季 那一刻的呼吸
那生命的旅行 因为你动魄惊心
我不是很聪明 我以为我可以
守护你 一直到最后一丝呼吸
我 只是没发现 故事已结局
你早已离去 我还在坚定
老了 累了 倦了 变了 那不会是我 不会是我

Currently Feeling ? : Good? simple word! :D

First of all, sorry to Jessica.. both Jessica... jQ and Nissan for my terrible outburst last night.
You 2 were just trying to help but I am the dog la... like the phrase goes "HAO XING BEI GOU YAO". Sorry~~

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Ok now for some updates.

Well, after the midnight shift I was shack loh, damn shack.... went to work today but decided to take off since there is more than enough pple, well i am off tomorrow as well, came back to rest loh.

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Well, thought about quite a lot today.... of course I can't be over in a day or 2, it takes time, but I gotta get over it man, before it consumes me...

I am better now, not already over, but better. Thank to jQ, what she said really knocked some much needed sense into me. I needed those words...

I dunno how to move on, but will try to move on, in watever ways I can.

I am really hanging on to something which is empty, which is hopeless... She changed... they changed... everyone changed... at least in the real world they changed... in my own world???? time to change as well. *lol*

Wish me luck all!

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Going to Orchard tomorrow to walk walk, get a book, buy some hair stuff. Sit down and see mei mei. *lol*

most prob going alone.... no friend leh...... lol

later then update ba if still got stuff.

everything people said, people promises, eventually becomes a lie...

promises are made for that moment, not for life, they are meant to be broken, not to be kept.

Decide to do an intro of myself... i am mad..... yes i am....

I am Sam, 21, better off dead...
I live in my own world.

My world is perfect, where love always end in happy endings, people are always good manners, where the sun always rises and shines brightly, where the rain nv comes... or shld i say come only when needed.

I holds on to love like they are some treasure, but hey they are not... they are shit...

i hate memories, they are painful reminders of the past, reminding me of my regrets and things i shld never have ever done...

i hate relationships, where pple come and say i am a friend, but they are not, where pple say things that they dun mean ... then y say it in the first placE?
i would say, fuck them.

i hate the real world... i prefer my own world.

for the friends who had forsake me, and for those who had change, i am ready to forsake u all as well, and YOU also... not like b4 anymore... cant see eye to eye...

wat my friend said was true, u will stand by his side no matter wat happen, cos he's ur bf.... and even if it means sacificing me.

i wont trust anything anyone said anymore... promises are made for that moment, not for life, they are meant to be broken, not to be kept.

i was taught this! by my "friends". life lessons.

for all the things she said, i remember and really pile of bullshit....

life oh life..... for the past yr i always had this thinking and i think it is true.
i dun live for myself, but for my families.... not becos i love them, but becos i dun wan to leave with them liabilities...

dun ever let me be free, dun ever let me clear my debt and have a lot of savings... i would leave this filthy stinking place freely then....

this is sam... a pessimistic, untrusting piece of shit.....
soon i hope i can be unfeeling also.......

i wanna get the flashing gadget they had in the movie MIB, wanna flash away my memories...... time to get rid of shits......

better off dead... dying is a relieve sometimes..... y live? if living is gonna be so painful?

god is fuck... create this kind of shit for fuck.....

ps : to the ccb and u know who u r. dun come in here la, u r not welcome. let me know u touch down here somemore, i would go and fuck ur cefiro, dun try me, one who has nothing, have nothing to lose.

and one last thing , fuck u

First of all, I wish a Happy New Year to all my friends! May you taste success in whatever you do! And if ever there's any failure, learn your lessons from it!

Well my transition from 2003 to 2004 was spent in my workplace... no countdown no nuts.

I did a small test on new year eve. A test to see whether that gang of friends had really forgotten about me. The cruel truth... they did... we are no longer that close anymore... They chose my ex and her bf over me... well, quite expected I would say, better not to have me around to grumble and make the whole scene awkward.. well, i dun really have much friends sad to say... at least i am not those that people would ask to hang out with... i am not just that kinda person.. i admit... if not how come no one jio me out on xmas/new year? a small test that goes on to show alot.. well, sis say one is true la, friends dun need a lot, a few good one would do.

2003 would forever be a year for me to remember, the hardest and most heart-breaking year to go through... Rong left me in Feb'03... I used most of 2003 to pay my debt, well, sorta finish now... left a bit more to go.. dad got cancer.. sis got married... anything else? nothing..... a few events but they left scars on me...

lets hope 2004 to be much better.
ok, as usual , i've made some resolutions.

RESOLUTION 2004
1. Pass my M2 which is my Intermediate Level Malay Exam.
2. Run 42km Singapore Standard Charter Marathon.
3. Debt-free!
4. Learn Thai?
5. Class 3 License.
6. Learn Guitar/Drum.
7. Less MC!!!
8. IPPT Gold + Marksman (As always)
9. Class 2B license.
10. Travel to Sibu Island / Pulau Redang / Langkawi.
11. Go see dentist half-yearly.
12. Gain Weight! Target is 75kg?
13. Attend photography courses?
14. finish my personal project for her...
15. keep to my promises, make them only if i can do it..
16. Learn Akido?
17. Learn to cook more dishes.

So far is like that la. If got more I add later loh.

hmmm, ya, i also tot about another thing. about who i hold dear.
hmmm, in the list there is ah gu, donny, min, lx, von, derong, zhirong, ming zai, weida and joey. (my mum, dad is confirm one).

these are the people i would stand by to.
and nv ever ps.

i was listening to this song i'll stand by you by the pretenders while i on my way back home from work today, and it invokes a lot of me, this song always remind me of rong, of how much i treasure her...

OH, WHY YOU LOOK SO SAD?
TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES
COME ON AND COME TO ME NOW
DON'T BE ASHAMED TO CRY
LET ME SEE YOU THROUGH
'CAUSE I'VE SEEN THE DARK SIDE TOO
WHEN THE NIGHT FALLS ON YOU
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
NOTHING YOU CONFESS
COULD MAKE ME LOVE YOU LESS

I'LL STAND BY YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU

SO IF YOU'RE MAD, GET MAD
DON'T HOLD IT ALL INSIDE
COME ON AND TALK TO ME NOW
HEY, WHAT YOU GOT TO HIDE?
I GET ANGRY TOO
WELL I'M A LOT LIKE YOU
WHEN YOU'RE STANDING AT THE CROSSROADS
AND DON'T KNOW WHICH PATH TO CHOOSE
LET ME COME ALONG
'CAUSE EVEN IF YOU'RE WRONG

I'LL STAND BY YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
TAKE ME IN, INTO YOUR DARKEST HOUR
AND I'LL NEVER DESERT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU

AND WHEN...
WHEN THE NIGHT FALLS ON YOU, BABY
YOU'RE FEELING ALL ALONE
YOU WON'T BE ON YOUR OWN

I'LL STAND BY YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU

I'LL STAND BY YOU
TAKE ME IN, INTO YOUR DARKEST HOUR
AND I'LL NEVER DESERT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU

well, i will standby the people i treasure and love... guessed that's all ba.

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these few days just work loh... nothing special.
went bballing on new year day.

not a really pleasant day... partly due to my own lack of sleep.
also becos i hate the way some people only wanna play with good players... ok loh, i am a fuck up player ... so wat? why need to be so choosy among friends? for wat fuck?

then ying came to ccc. ok loh, the arguement was nothing, but still kinda strange, dunno wat to say to her.... and somemore i was sitting so far loh, right from the beginning... if i suddenly move there, quite weird right?

then i feel sian and lethargy... almost dun even want go eat... but ah gu pull me along ... wat to do? bro ask, gotta giv face.

these few nights been dreaming about her.... gotta control myself liao... before i go mad or go back to that stupid stage again, gotta watch out!!!

ok la, that's all.. till i update again! *ciaoz*

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Runaway Train by Soul Asylum

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

CHORUS

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

PS :

these para was the most heart-felt ....

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

that's wat i really felt... make too many wrong decisions... broke too many promises... in too deep, no way out.... brought myself the shits.....