PMS....

Thursday. Fine day. Fine on the weather stormy and gloomy on my inner....

I don't know why and dun intend to find out or know why that i am feeling the way i am feeling even till this very second....

I was unlike myself for the whole bloody day... i was quiet... too quiet... i just read my book, do my work and eat my share of rice... I wasnt lame today.. simply because i don't even feel like talking...

I realised i hated reality, i hated this world. I prefer to live in my own illusion, self created paradise where everything happen the way i want them to happen. Where love is beautiful and have no cracks, where money is not a mode of transaction and never exists.

Since young, I believe in righteousness, in upholding justice, in being a man and not letting his woman suffer, or his parents to live in poverty, i believe in placing family before myself where everything mum and dad comes first , in true love.....

but so far wat had i achieve? i broke my own laws, i broke the heart of the woman i loved, parents seperated, mum living in hardship with me... I got only myself to blame for not being wat i wanna be..

I used to think i am someone who dares to accept reality.... little did i realised how wrong i was..

Still remember that day at border with jess, she was browsing thru this horoscope book and that is exactly how pisces was being describe... *lol*

Everybody wants a 2nd chance but how often do they really cherish and grap hold of it? I fall time and time again until the time that i fall the heaviest then i began to learn.

I always hear the phrase, "its nv too late"

is it true? dun think so. there will come a time where no one wanna help, even those who wanna help, can't... you can do it on ur own, but with limited time how much can u do? time is the essence here.

ever since so many shit happened, i dun trust a lot of pple anymore.. i used to be so gullible, thinking anyone who's on good terms with me are my good friends. little did i realise, it is just how good they are with mask.

now i dun really have any friends except my 5 bros, 3 serving ns, 1 as a regular, 1 teacher. some friends from bball that's all. a few good gal friends that i had since secondary sch, from basketball, from lovehurts.

nothing more... i have nothing more...

i had a good chance at life, at love. but i mess it up and virtually murdered myself.
It's either i cannot take failures or the failures are too heavy for me....

Recently I always asked myself is there tomorrow? is there?

I am happy to wake up each day to find myself still alive and breathing.. but how long more will i be able to do that?

I may have already been dead ever since the day I broke up with Rong... I was already dead that day, she gave me the final nail...

now i am roaming on this land not as Sam but as a Living dead...

Rong once told me, that a woman can tell if a man got confident a not, it is something like a sixth sense thing. Man exerts this "I am not confident" aura. I believe this too... cause i am exerting that too and basically I just made all the wrong moves... something that I look back and realised i won't not had done last time.

Hey Jude - Beatles

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey, Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better.

And any time you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
Well don't you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

Hey, Jude! Don't let her down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember, to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey, Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you, hey, Jude,
You'll do, the movement you need is on your shoulder

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better