overflowed with feelings....

Just reached home. Went pak ball loh at TCC then went to Holiday Home KTV to celebrate JiaQing and SK?s birthday, after which went Lau Pa Sat to makan.

Don?t feel good at all today??. Heard something that I never expected and thought of a lot of things?.

Suddenly I come to believe that all good things will and do eventually come to an end.

I had this feeling that this group of friends of mine will eventually be broken up one of these days to come?. It makes me sad to even think about it?.. I always treasure the relationship I had with these group of guys and gals?. To me it ain?t ever easy for a group of people from all walks of life to be so good and so comfortable with each other?. But I feel that it would end soon with new people joining the group, new people who started out with very different intentions and very different roles? I hate office politics and I hate it when my group gets contaminated by it?..

I was at the ktv, singing songs ?.. or should I say listening to songs?.. it brings a lot of memories back to me, memories that I loved and hated?.

It had been 9 months since my relationship with Joey ended and I realised how much of a person I had changed?. Maybe not in my appearance but emotionally?

I used to be someone who believes in love, in friends?.. now I don?t trust love anymore, friends I do but a few. Love used to be such a beautiful thing, it used to be a fairy tale, a serenade but now it seems far-fetched, I am afraid of it?.

These many months, I knew a lot of new friends, some of them gals, there are some who are really really nice, who would definitely had fancied the old me?. But now? Not anymore?.

I don?t dare to love? or should I rather say to take up the responsibility of having a girlfriend, or to face the consequences of life after a failed BGR?
I had come to believe that it is best for me to remain single, to be single. I just can?t trust another relationship anymore?. I still remembered that I made one statement just now that the old me would never had made?

?If I ever smoke and my gf-to-be don?t agree on it, I rather not have her as my gf?.?

The old me would had change myself to suit my other half?.. the new me? Wont? I don?t know why either, just that I suddenly become like that?

Right now, I wanna be carefree, to be feel of responsibility.

I wont wanna sign on forever, one day I am gonna quit my job and be a photographer, to do something I like and wanna do. I wanna save enough money and go travel around the world on backpack. I don?t wanna slog out my life, I wanna live a life, not work out a whole lifetime?

I just wanna have friends now ?.. and I am contented to live with being just friends and nothing more ?.. it will be better for anyone to be just friends with me, then to take the relationship one step further?.

If there was ever gonna be someone who could change the way I believe in love, she would have to be someone who can love me for whatever I am, for whatever state I may become, if not, she would just be another one who hurt me and love me for other things except me?.